Tag: motherhood

Finding Your Value as a Person Through Motherhood

A note from Laura: This post was originally written for Chaotic Life of Lauren, which is a blog whose mission is to help busy Christian mothers manage life. Lauren ran a series entitled “Seasons of Motherhood” this month, and I was honored to be included, along with several other bloggers. Motherhood remains the most refining and sanctifying experience of my life, and I thank God for it! I hope this encourages any other type A moms out there, as well as moms who struggle with physical challenges. These things are difficult, but you are not alone.   

My best friend used to lovingly tease me about my perfect planners. I had a plan for everything: when I would eat, when I would study, when I would socialize, when I would do ministry. I carefully crossed off each task and appointment as I completed it. My life was completely under control. I counted down the days until my wedding and smiled to myself as I thought about all the fun things my husband and I would do together.

I liked to say I was a planner, but I was really just a control freak.

And then, six weeks after my wedding, I found out a baby was on the way. Surprise!

Being pregnant threw me for a loop. I was used to being able to accomplish a lot of tasks in a day, but that didn’t happen any more when my “first trimester” nausea and exhaustion lasted through all three trimesters. Occasionally I would have a good day. I would get really excited and try to do as many things as possible, but then the exhaustion would catch up with me and I would be worse than ever.

While I would have never admitted it before, I had been placing a lot of my identity and sense of value in my productivity.

Please visit Chaotic Life of Lauren to read the rest of this post!

When Things Don’t Go Our Way {Motherhood Matters Series: Part Three}

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when things don't go our way

This is the third part of our Motherhood Matters series, written by Paris of Nourishing a Life in Christ. I felt convicted reading this myself, and I hope it blesses you too! – Laura

Part One: Motherhood and the Gospel

Part Two: Focusing on Truth

Mothers are in a powerful role. To quote Sally Michael, this is a “God given opportunity to influence the next generation to put their trust in God.” We do this through our thoughts, actions and attitudes, which people around us see.

It is understandable that it feels like drudgery to serve your family through the world’s perspective when society tells a woman that  motherhood isn’t her place to be. I have fallen into this trap, which led me to discontentment, bitterness, and condemnation. But this thinking is unbiblical.

God wants our thinking to be of thankfulness. We may be stuck with this “thorn” in our side and struggle with this for the rest of our lives. We trust in God’s sovereignty, and know and preach the Gospel to ourselves and know that He uses these trials for our sanctification because we are His and He loves us. We can learn to love discipline and trials because it only hurts for a moment, Hebrews 12:11 compared to eternity.

For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. – Hebrews 12:11 ESV

We often struggle to focus on the heavenly kingdom and rather focus on our “suffering” in the here and now. We get side tracked and lose focus. This is called idolatry. Idolatry sounds like an odd topic to bring up, but it does happen because seek to please and love for things or other people rather then our Lord.

I love how one author put it:

“Our primary struggle in raising our children, is not subduing their wills, knowing how to teach them the Bible, or even knowing how to pray for them. Our greatest struggle will be in striving to love and worship God above all else, so that we can overflow in imparting that love to our children. Because our hearts are prone to wander from the Lord, from the Creator to the things He has created– pride, money, possessions, image, children, control, popularity, the praise of men, and so on, we must fight a continual battle to keep our hearts from other idols.” – Sally Michael, Mothers: Disciplers of the Next Generations

From my story in last week’s post, working outside the home and being praised for accomplishment was my idol. It was so very hard to identify this, because my mind said “yes, I want to have children, yes, I like staying home with them, yes, I want to raise them in the discipline and admonition of the Lord.” Yet my heart and desires were truly far from this. On my spare time during naps, I would research how to start a business. Then I would get upset with my children if they woke up early or disrupted my daydreams, and I slowly put researching as a priority above my children. This is how I saw that my desires and motivations were sinful and not God glorifying.

Sanctification Through Fellowship and Discipleship

There is great importance of joining a biblical church body, so that you can be sanctified through learning. To overcome these struggles I benefited from seeking a Titus 2 woman in my church body who I could talk to when I was having sinful desires, who could encourage me when I was faint hearted, who could edify me when I was having a rough day, and who could rebuke me when I was being rebellious in my sin. Praying with other believers is very helpful as well. When I learned to submit myself to be vulnerable to another woman, for the sake of being sanctified and glorifying His name; God used this to change my heart!

So Why Does Motherhood Matter?

Motherhood matters because God has put us in this position to sanctify us and bring us closer to Him. Our purpose is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever, and we learn how to do this by reading His word and being committed to following Christ. We do this by doing it right were God has us. I have always had annoyed thoughts that “I can even read His word without being disrupted” or “I can’t be committed to following Christ, because when I try, everyone else throws a wrench in to it… I wish I was a monk!”

God knows this is how are we sanctified. He also uses us as means to spread the Gospel to the very sinners in our home and to raise up a new generation that lives to glorify Him.

Keep the faith fellow Mama, you are God’s ambassador and you are not the only one who has struggles!

Recommended Reading:

The Profile of a Godly Mother by Grace to You

Mothers: Disciplers of the Next Generations by Sally Michael

Missional Motherhood by Gloria Furman

The Hidden Ministry of Motherhood by Liz Wann

About the Author: Hello, my name is Paris Byrum. I am a Christ follower, a wife to a great husband for 8 years and a mama to four littles. I am a lover of all things creative & seek to encourage others to run the race and live a life to glorify God. Come visit me at Nourishing a Life in Christ if you like what you read here. You can also find me on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

What Your Mom Friend Needs to Hear

what your mom friend needs to hear

Becoming a stay at home mom is a huge transition. When a woman works in any other capacity, there is validation in the form of a paycheck, and often in the form of words of praise from others. Babies don’t have money, and babies don’t talk.

When a woman completes a project, the project stays done. Then she moves on to the next project. No matter how many times a diaper is changed or a mess is cleaned, it will need to be done again. And again. And again.

There is no external validation, no grades earned for patiently soothing a baby through teething. She never earns a grade or an award from a teacher. There are no honor society inductions, no landing high profile internships.

For a woman who was a high achiever in her educational and career pursuits before children, the change is abrupt and jarring. She loves her baby, but sometimes she vainly attempts to make her child eat for the 72nd time and wonders What am I even doing with my life?

She goes out to eat with her husband and the baby. One holds the baby while the other eats. When it’s her husband’s turn, a stranger approaches the table and tells him what a fabulous father he is for holding the baby.

She smiles politely, but thinks of the countless strangers who have told her she is doing it wrong.

While the specifics of every woman’s situation is different, there is one thing that nearly every mother needs to hear: You’re doing a good job.

There is so much negativity aimed at women in general, and at mothers specifically. We need to encourage each other. One lady at my church encouraged me when I expressed concern about my son’s weight percentile.

“Don’t let them stress you out,” she said. “My kids were around that percentile too and they’re fine.”

It may have seemed like a little thing to her, but to me it was just the balm my weary mama soul needed. He’s going to be okay.

Since I realized the power of a kind word, I’ve been trying to actively recognize other moms. If a child is well behaved when I take care of him in the church nursery, I make sure his mom hears about it. I send uplifting Facebook messages to my mom friends when I know they might be having tough days.

What would happen if we all focused on building up, rather than tearing down?  How can you edify someone around you this week?

“And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” – Ephesians 4:32

Nurturing Your Soul While Nurturing Your Baby

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Having a baby changes a woman’s life. In the early weeks and months, the focus turns primarily to survival. If you’ve showered and eaten, it’s a good day. If you’ve put on makeup, it’s a really good day. My son had colic until he was 3.5 months old, so I spent most of my days unsuccessfully trying to soothe him. Fortunately, he eventually outgrew that stage!

My little guy is 9 months old now, and in the midst of this season of life, it’s so important to nourish myself by reading the Bible. He’s at an age where he is into everything, so the most effective time for me to do this is while he is nursing. If I attempt to read while watching him, I only consume sentence long snippets at a time. It’s hard to get the full depth of the passage by reading that way.

As Christians, we are called to focus on “whatsoever things are true” (Phillippians 4:8). One of the best ways to do this is by focusing our minds on God’s Word. Reading the Bible helps me to keep my life in proper perspective and to keep sight of what truly matters. Parenting a baby consists of doing many of the same basic tasks over and over again, and it’s easy to feel as if my work doesn’t matter. The Bible says that children are blessings (Psalm 127:3-5) and that we should raise them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4). These verses encourage me to keep going when my work feels fruitless.

I’ve found that I can usually get through 4 chapters of the Bible during his first nursing session of the day. Having this set routine has gone a long way towards enabling me to be consistent with reading the Bible. I usually read on my Kindle Paperwhite, but reading from a traditional paper Bible would also work.

There are 1,189 chapters in the Bible. At a rate of 4 chapters per day, I should be able to read the entire Bible in 298 days.

Of course, I’m not necessarily able to get through 4 chapters every single day. However, this leaves me with enough wiggle room to realistically be able to get through the entire Bible by the end of the year, which is one of my 101 in 1001 goals.

“Finally brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, if there be any praise, think on these things.” – Philippians 4:8

How do you make time for reading the Bible as a busy mom?